dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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