Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
