I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
