Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
