puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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