im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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