it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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