I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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