dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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