I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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