Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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