Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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