Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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