who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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