I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
