I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
