I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
