Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
