need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
