True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
MIDGETS
????
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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