How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
