I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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