So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
