I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
