he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
