five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
