I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
