as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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