around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
