You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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