God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
