Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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