People in love make me want to vomit
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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