saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
