Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
