No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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