her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You were trust falling into bushes
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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