Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
