Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
