He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
