When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
