Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
