Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
