i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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