just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
