a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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