I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
