He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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