you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Holy sore nipples Batman
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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