3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
a search helicopter?!
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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