he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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