i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
