Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
