I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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