This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
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after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
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It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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