Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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