Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I'm passing your future prison.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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