Fine. I'll sleep in my office
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I AM VODKA MAN
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
