apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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