I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
