Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
