also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize