I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
