saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
