tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
