Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize