your room smells of hookers.
And success
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
