sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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