i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
