Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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